YOUR BODY HAVE A VOICE!
I used to struggle with my weight in my early 20's believe or not. After I graduated from my Ballet School where I spent 9 years of my life, (my entire childhood, teenage years all the way into puberty and early adulthood) I got my first contract in Paris. With so much pressure and specific weight guidelines in my contract my mind was constantly concentrate on one and only thing- how much do I weight?
I was always naturally skinny and with so much dancing and all that amount of stress since very early age I never needed to think for the second what and how much I ate. I was ballet child, raised in the studio and spent my weekends in the theater but I never been on a diet nor counted calories until i signed my first professional contract.
So that is were all of it started...my obsession with food, weight and exercising. I stopped listening to my body and started to ignore its needs. I wasn't gentle with myself. I guess when you a dancer you never really are but up until now I was never starving myself; but there I was, counting calories and days until the next Sunday (our "weight day"). I could eat just a piece of salad or apple for all day long or sometimes I was rewarding myself with entire bar of chocolate, or box of cookies but guess what i wasn't loosing any weight but instead I was rather gaining, During my days off I would go out and had amazing dinners in fancy restaurants that was the only times I was really eating..Sometimes I barely drank water because I believed I would be heavier if I would drink so my body looked swallowed since it was retaining it. I travelled a lot during that period, so changes of food, climate and jet lag wasn't helping at all.
I struggle for few years until I finally realized that I m tired of doing this to myself. I guess I stopped because I felt exhausted and I would rather leave the job that I loved then keep restricting my body from food. I just couldn't do it anymore. I guess my body has a natural ability to protect itself and before I became sick it said "no" and I stopped for a moment and listened to it. I guess i was lucky enough to be able to control everything what was happening and bring myself back together at the right moment. I started eating regular meals and I realized I m not starving anymore for sugar or carbs. I finally could forget what it feels like to be constantly hungry..(not a very nice feeling, as you can imagine).
Once I started eating normally my metabolism changed and everything started to run so perfectly that I actually started loosing weigh and I finally came back to my normal body shape that I lost couple years prior, I also realized that I never really liked sugar, meat or carb so much as I thought I do.. I would rather always choose fruits or vegetables over sweets or pasta since my early years and I was happy with it because it was what my body really needed. However when I starved myself my body started to believed that my preferences changed and I would rather have chocolate then raspberries or steak over sole which wasn't the case, Well when you are hungry your body make you believe and do such a crazy things!
Its been over a decade now since I m really happy with my body, diet, metabolism and calories burn and what goes with it is internal health, skin, hair quality and mental health. Don't make yourself suffer as much as I did. I m happy I stopped when it wasn't too late. So do yourself a favor and really listen to your body. Everyone has different needs, everyone like something different. There is not really right or wrong way but there is good or bad for you. Too much or too little of something is not the best choice you can make; so listen and your body will help you to find a good diet, physical activity and the right balance. Be gentle and kind to yourself and always be grateful for what you have.